Thursday, December 01, 2011

Crying Out

So it's no secret that I struggle with pride, and recently I've actually started to realize that this "little issue" needs to addressed. I've had lots of things going on in my life recently and since I'm a total idiot, I tried to handle everything on my own. Clearly that was a fail. When I was finally feeling like I was going to drown I did something I rarely do. I cried out to the Lord. I mean literally cried out. As in "I need help right now! This is what I need"  and proceeded to tell God what I needed. And you know, it worked.

Now, before we go further I must clear up a few things. First, God is not Santa Claus. I do not believe we should go to God with a list of wants and read them off expecting them to show up minutes or days later. Secondly, just because I want something doesn't necessarily mean I need it. Sometimes, whether I realize it or not, I need the no more than the yes. Finally, I wasn't always crying out for material, physical things. For instance, today I stepped out of denial and acknowledged that I have a ton of work to do for school and I've been too sick to work on it. I finally cried out "please help me. I made a commitment to school that I would like to honor, but I cannot do this while feeling so sick." After that, I didn't sit around waiting for the Angel of Head Colds to stop by; instead, I opened my Bible and my laptop and started working. Except for a few breaks, I didn't stop until I had finished one big assignment.

At this point you're probably thinking "I didn't know there was an Angel of Head Colds" and "that was just you stopping your lazy streak, not divine intervention." I can see your point there. What I will say is that I've been trying and trying to finish this assignment for almost a month. Every time, I've not been able to finish more than one question without succumbing to illness and/or pain. Today I asked for help and I finished. This isn't my only example, but it's the most recent. For me, it's not about getting a yes. It's about setting my pride aside and asking for help.


Whew, that felt great. I never, ever say that out loud. I never, ever admit that I need help. Maybe I should write that on a post-it note and stick that somewhere so I'll remember it. Such a small sentence. Such a huge concept. We need help.