Tuesday, January 10, 2012


I know most people roll their eyes at the thought of resolutions and those who make them, but think it's a great tradition. A fresh start. A new beginning. Hopefulness. All good things to me. In fact they remind me of the new mercies we receive daily and where would I be without this amazing gift. I've never really made resolutions, but I'm a big fan on making plans and to do lists. This year is no different, however, for some reason the goals and plans seem bigger and more challenging. Maybe it's because I'm getting older or maybe it's because there are some big plans in my future.

The biggest area for change is in my spiritual life. For the past few months I've definitely veered off track and it's not something I'm proud of. Isn't it funny how moment you take your focus of Christ you can feel yourself spiral out of control. I'm not talking about difficult things happening to you in life. I'm talking about when you find your behavior going on a downhill spiral. You're snappy, short tempered, easily frustrated. Your relationship begin to unravel and all the while you're racking your brain trying to figure out what happened. For me the answer has been there all along and I just decided to continue on my path of stupidity. Now here I am broken and lost, finally admitting to you my big secret. My spiritual life has been terrible.

One of the areas I need to work on is church attendance. Am I the only Christian that struggles with this? The crazy part is that I love my church! LOVE IT! But each week the thought of being in a corporate setting instead of being alone just seems like too much for me. It's no secret that I'm not a fan of people, it's one of the perks of being an introvert. Corporate worship just makes me feel intimidated and insecure which I'm sure is just more of Satan's lies keeping me from living in the truth of the Gospel. For the past bit I've put my lack of attendance off on sickness and pain, both of which were technically true. However, I do know that I could have and some days should have pushed myself and so far I'm off to a good start. People who exercise tell me that they always dread going, but once they get there they're so happy they went. I've yet to experience this phenomenon at the gym, but I always feel this way about church.

There are a few other areas of my spiritual life that I'm working on, but this is one I wanted to share with you. I ask for your prayers and I promise to continue to be transparent with  you on my journey.


natty light said...

Star, I totally understand what you mean. I have a similar challenge.

Lisa Linton-Davis said...

I totally agree with you. I do pray daily and usually work on Sunday's but I must do better. I pray we both get on the right track and are able to maintain a good balance of work, rest, life and of course our God and church. Love you my beautiful niece.
Aunt Lisa M. Linton-Davis

Katie Mantooth said...

So out of touch with blog world but glad I clicked on this one. :) Thank you for your transparency dear friend. I've never thought about the impact of personality on corporate worship. My big fat "E" L-O-V-E-S Sunday mornings...even the shaking hands with strangers part (though I do bring hand sanitizer...ick). Now I'm wondering...how could a church better cater to introverts since we're called to fellowship with other believers. hmmmmmmm....