The Lost Art of Listening

One theme that keeps popping up in my education is the importance of listening. Last year we focused on the importance of listening as it related to our dealings with other church staff meeting, specifically in meetings that help govern church function and activities. This semester I'm in Pastoral Care, a class that focuses on how pastors and church educators care for the congregation. In our studies we have learned the importance of listening and how people are desperate to be heard.

Our teacher joked that pastors often make the worst listeners because they are always trying to be prepared to "offer a word" to someone. We laughed, but afterwards I thought about how I too am guilty of being quick with advice. I wonder if I really stop and fully commit to listening to people when they are talking to me. I am fortunate in that many friends, students, family members and people from value my advice and opinion. This is a gift and one that I feel unworthy of. However, I'm learning that doling out advice without truly understanding the problem can be dangerous. I also am feeling as if it is not always best for me to give advice; often people need to be able to make decisions on their own, without outside opinion. When given the room to talk without interruption people can sometimes talk themselves into a solution. Maybe it's time for me to just shut up.

Last Tuesday morning I taught on spiritual gifts and afterwards two amazing things happened. First, two women approached me and said "I really want to uncover my spiritual gifts because I feel like I'm only good at listening to people." It's sad that listening had become so devalued that these ladies couldn't see what a wonderful asset they are to all those around them. I know sometimes I just want to sit and talk and have someone only listening. Not fix, not question, just listen. That sounds amazing. The other thing that happened was a women stopped and asked if I could help her with some struggles she is having with her teenage children. I was shocked that a mom would want my advice given my age and lack of children. Unfortunately, it was a quick conversation and at the time I just gave her my advice. I can't wait to speak with her again, and give her a chance to just tell her story. Hopefully I didn't do any damage, but I know I can do better by her.

I encourage to evaluate just how well you listen to others and think about the last time you were about to tell your story, whatever it may be at the time. Let me know if anything surprises you.

Star